Sometimes, as an HR professional, there comes that moment that everyone of us dreads. The moment when you have to end an employment relationship.That moment of truth, at once terrible and relief-filled. This just isn’t working.

I have sat on both sides of this conversation and it is never easy. It’s not easy to deliver and it is definitely not easy to hear. Especially if it surprises you.

It is said that hindsight is 20/20 and after nearly every instance where I have been a part of this terrible moment, if I’m honest, there has eventually come clarity. Signs that were missed, issues that I overlooked, and alternate choices that would (or could) have led to a different outcome. When I’ve been on the delivering side of the desk, I am almost always clear on what brought us to that point. It almost always is the result of an individual who either refuses to see the truth or is incapable of changing what needs to be changed.

It’s that last one I want to focus on – incapable of changing what needs to be  changed. That’s always a hard one for me to swallow. Unlike many in my profession, I’m an eternal optimist. I don’t automatically see the worst in folks. I am forever justifying the choices of other people in an attempt to give them the benefit of the doubt and the space to choose differently.

Often, I am disappointed.

It is ironic to me that in the age of politically correct speech, inclusion, and acceptance that our society is more polarized than ever. We are conditioned to see in black and white – absolutes, and rarely in shades of gray. We have also raised a generation that sees themselves as near perfect in their skills and ability without the benefit of the experience to back it up.

So when it becomes necessary to point out what isn’t working, there is often a strong element of denial, evasion, and cover-your-backside justification that happens. Rarely, if ever, is there the acceptance of personal responsibility. And that is a recipe for a disastrous ending that truly, no one wants. You, my friends, are better than that.

As a coach, it is one of my foundational beliefs that every individual IS capable of learning, adjusting, and changing to become what they need or want to become. So when I encounter resistance to that in someone, or in myself, it is understandably frustrating. And so I ask myself, what do I need to do when I know it’s just not working? It usually boils down to four steps: see the  situation for what it is, determine what is really going on, make a plan, and follow through.

See the situation for what it is 

This could be the most difficult part. Taking an honest look at the situation and circumstances. It is also nearly impossible to do alone. Someone who can listen to you as you describe the situation and be impartial in their reactions and feedback will prove invaluable to this step. Ask yourself some basic questions and maintain brutal honesty with yourself as you answer them:

• What is happening?
• Who is involved and what part do they play in what is happening? (include yourself in this list – it takes two to tango!)

Determine what is really going on

Things, as they say, are rarely as they appear. Beyond what is happening, what else might be at play? Now, it’s easy at this point to let your imagination get the better of you. I am not advocating conspiracy theories reigning unchecked here. I am saying, look deeper. Look beyond what you can see to what else might be at play. Consider every angle, every possibility. Consider the following:

• What are the political realities at play in this situation?
• What are my choices? They are always there…

Make a plan

This might be the easiest part of the entire journey. Making plans is not hard. I have a million plans. I can give you three right now to solve the most difficult challenges in the world. But making sure that plan addresses the core of the issue and reflects the reality of the situation is critical. Otherwise, you are placing yourself firmly in the role of victim instead of being responsible and accountable. Questions to consider when making a plan:

• What am I willing to commit my time and energy towards in order to address the issue?
• What do I want?

Follow Through

Once you’ve made the plan, you need to act on it. Get it done. Things will not improve on their own. If you do nothing, nothing will change and you will continue to be frustrated and stressed. Make yourself accountable – own the situation and the outcome and move it forward. You’re the only one who can. Check up on the plan daily. Ask yourself:

• What can I do today to move the plan forward?
• What obstacle or challenge might I face today and how will I handle it?

Come to think of it, this isn’t a bad approach if things are working also, is it?

If you are like me and have found yourself in a situation that you know isn’t working – maybe you are in that situation now – don’t ignore it. See it for what it is, try to figure out what is really going on. Then make a plan and follow it through. You are not a victim. Seek out the help you need to gain the clarity that you must have.

Look deeper.  Then move forward.

If you’d like to dig deeper into these four steps, send me an email here: Contact Matt and I will send you my When It’s Not Working Planning Worksheet to help you on your way.