
Sooo….as I type this, the Rio Olympics have come to a close. I’m so excited that I can now sleep again. I’ll admit it. I’m an Olympics junkie. I have spent much of the last two weeks in a self-induced Olympics hangover. It’s a thing.
It is the result of staying up far too late and expending a great deal of emotional energy cheering on these amazing athletes as they pursue their dreams. And while I will drop the name of Michael Phelps here in a blatant and shameless attempt to attract attention, I have many other favorite moments. Among them, in no particular order….Simone Manuel’s win in the 100 fly, David Boudia and Steele Johnson, the women’s 4×100 and 4×400 relay teams, Ashton Eaton and the decathlon, Katie Ledecky, Maya Dirado, and even Usain Bolt – truly poetry in motion.
Watching the Olympics this time has been a different experience because I now watch Track and Field through new eyes. I’ve always enjoyed the Decathlon and the Heptathlon (Jackie Joyner-Kersee anyone?) But things changed this year because of my son.
You see, my son is a runner.
He’s always been athletically inclined and he’s always been quick on his feet. How many times when he was a toddler did I think, “Why did we ever teach him to walk?” But he walked at 10 months old and never looked back.
Now that he is on the threshold of high school, running has taken on a whole new meaning for him and for our family. It started last fall with Cross Country. Then, he became a three event competitor in Track and Field including running anchor on the 4×400 relay (the penultimate event at scholastic Track Meets). In fact, he ended up competing in two events at the state Middle School Championship in his very first season.
I have to tell you that I’ve heard phrases like, “Run your race” and “Finish strong” my whole life. But unless and until you are a competitive runner – or watching your kid become a competitive runner – you have no idea what that means. At any given moment I have experienced a plethora of emotions: concern, worry, fear, pride, struggle, joy. Tears of relief. Tears of joy. Tears of pride. It’s unnerving. I’m more at ease now than I was when we started this journey, but it’s still hard.
I have learned a lot about coaching from watching how he has been coached in this, his first year of truly competitive athletics. Years ago, my brother-in-law, an NCAA competitive running coach, told us to let our son just play. There will be time to coach him when he’s older. For now, just let him hold on to his love of running.
It was good advice. We heeded it. Over the years he’s played soccer, basketball, and t-ball – he even swam one season in a rec league – and just let him love it. So when the opportunity came for him to be able to run Cross Country last Fall – he was ready. He made the choice.
I have learned four great lessons from watching his coaches this past year. Lessons that are important reminders for myself as a coach. They are also important insight into what you can expect from a coach, what you should expect from a coach. They are great leadership lessons.
Here is what his coaches did so well:
Lesson #1: Met Him Where He Was
First and chief among the lessons was that his coaches met him where he was. My son had never been a competitive runner before. He had never trained consistently for anything like this. His coaches understood that and started slowly. Placing him in situations where they could just see what he was capable of.
They didn’t push him too far, or expect too much from him.
That’s the mark of great coaching. A great coach should meet you where you are. Your coach should take the time necessary to understand the current state. I like to focus on this during the discovery session with new/prospective clients. Usually, my clients will offer this with very little prompting, but a few well crafted questions can really help. Some of the types of questions you might want to be prepared to answer:
- What is it that has encouraged you to seek out the help of a coach?
- What are some of the situations that you have experienced that you are concerned about?
- What are you hoping to accomplish in your coaching?
- What’s happening now?
- What are you noticing?
Establishing a baseline for current state is important. But it is equally, if not more important, to define where you’re going.
Lesson #2: Did Not Let Him Stay Where He Was
Once his coaches got a sense for where he was, they very quickly began to move him forward. They didn’t leave him where he started. They challenged him to move just a little bit faster or just a little bit farther. It’s amazing to watch how quickly success begins to come with just the right amount of encouragement.
When you work with a coach, you should expect and be prepared for being challenged and pushed. Otherwise, what’s the point? One of the most effective ways I have found to make that happen is by simply asking the question: what do you want?
The goal of any coaching relationship is to move beyond where you are to where you want to be. Asking what do you want may seem really simple, but it’s not. Now, it is important to hold on to the idea that this is about you…not about anyone else. I will occasionally encounter clients whose answer to the question is focused on someone else. “I want them to stop.” or “I want my boss to do this or that.”
The problem with that is you can’t control what other people do. You have to focus on what you can do in order to achieve your success. I’m amazed how many times I encounter clients who can’t answer this question. They really don’t know. If you don’t know what you want, how will you ever get it?
Lesson #3: Made Small Adjustments
Once they started him moving forward, it became clear what he needed to do differently. His coaches began to help him make small adjustments. How to stand properly at the start, how to arc over the high jump, how to lean into the hurdles. All of those little things can make a huge difference in performance.
When you work with a coach, they will often need to help you reframe your thinking in order to help you move toward your goal. My goal is always to create a new space for a client to walk into. Small adjustments can reap big results. A different response to being questioned. A different way to handle conflict. A different perspective on another person’s behavior.
Many times, all you need is to make one small change to reap huge results. In my son’s case, I remember when he started running hurdles and he was frustrated that he wasn’t running faster. (One thing to know is that he hates to not be good at something. If he can’t do it well quickly, he doesn’t really want to do it at all. It’s a work in progress.) As he voiced his frustration at practice one day, his coach watched him run the hurdles and said just two words, “Don’t jump.” In other words, don’t try to jump over the hurdles because that motion causes you to straighten up. Just lean into it and extend your stride. Then you move quicker.
He made the change and saw an immediate improvement. Small moves, big rewards.
Lesson #4: Celebrated His Success
As the seasons progressed, both Cross Country and even more so – Track and Field, my son began to experience success. Faster times, qualifying for the state meet, personal bests, team records broken. Every one of these wins brought increased confidence and happiness from our son, sure. That success also brought about celebration from his coaches.
No one was more thrilled when he cleared the high jump bar at 5’2” to qualify for States than his coach. No one was more proud of his “Most Improved” team award (given by his teammates, most of whom were older and much more experienced) than his coach, and no one celebrated any louder than the coach when his relay team crossed the finish line in the final meet of the season under 4 minutes – setting a new team record and qualifying for the state meet for the first time in team history – than his coach.
I spent the last year of sports watching, for the first time, as other people poured into my son. Challenging him to be better, stronger, and faster. Encouraging him when he did. Helping him when he struggled. And above all, loving him well.
Your coach should be invested in you as an individual. Your coach should care deeply about your success. Your coach should celebrate that success along with you.
Watching my son being coached well inspired me. I want to be a better coach. I am working hard to take my own advice and make sure these four lessons are present in my practice.
What’s your coach doing for you?
The results will speak for themselves – like this kid, who wasn’t able to finish his first meet a year ago because he got tripped up and wrenched his knee to finishing second.

Second Place
What would you add to the list? What else stands out for you as the marks of great coaching? Leave a comment below and let’s talk about it.