Faith

Faith, Hope, Love, and BBQ Sauce – Recipe for a Legacy

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Family reunions are always a mixture of ingredients…usually great food, some tender reunions, and much awkward silence with people you barely know. Every time I leave one, though, I’m struck by the power of legacy. On a late summer Sunday, we gathered with my wife’s father’s family and I thought about how a legacy is like a recipe.

There’s always great BBQ when my wife’s family gets together. In fact, the BBQ Sauce recipe is a long standing and closely guarded family secret. I knew I had made it when I was allowed to even lay eyes on that recipe for the first time.

It’s a secret primarily because it’s the backbone of Slim’s Deep South BBQ in Arcadia, Florida. Slim, or Ernest, was one of eight children raised in Arcadia. He was an uncle to my father-in-law. As the descendants of those original eight kids gathered in the town of the family’s origin on that late Summer Sunday afternoon, I was reminded of the incredible strength of faith that is my wife’s heritage. It’s a lot like a recipe.  

My teenaged kids didn’t want to go. I’m sure you can picture the conversation. “I don’t know these people.” “I don’t want to have to hear, look how big you’ve gotten all day!” Stuff like that.

But they went (as if there was ever an option).

Even though they definitely heard “I cant believe how big you are!” many, many times. They also heard some other things, too. They heard stories about a woman who was widowed and raised eight children. Stories about a woman who helped to raise her grandchildren. Stories about a a family where faith and loyalty and love were expected, modeled, and given freely. About a family who knew the pain of loss and how to overcome. About the importance of good food and family dinners. And respecting the bathroom schedule in a one bathroom house!

No family is perfect and there is dark as well as light in the stories that were told in the back room of Slim’s that afternoon. I’m sure there is more that I don’t know about. That’s okay, that’s part of the recipe too. Dark only makes the light shine that much brighter.

This is the legacy of my children’s great-great grandmother. And her son, their great-grandfather (whom they called Old Granddad) and their grandfather (whom they barely knew). But most importantly, it is the legacy that shaped their mother and therefore, is shaping them.

Theirs is a legacy of faith, hope, and love. It is a legacy of hard work. It is a legacy of great joy too. There was lots of laughter in that restaurant. There is always a lot of laughter in that family. Theirs is a legacy of strength. I have realized in a way I never have before, that strength, and particularly strong women, are on both sides of my wife’s family tree.

The resulting combination of ingredients is something to behold. Not unlike the BBQ sauce – a little sweet, a little spicy, and strong enough to stand on it’s own.

I guess, what I’m really trying to say is that I hope my children will one day be as grateful as I am for the unique mix of strength and tenderness that comes together in this woman I get to call wife and that they call mama. How I pray that generations from now,  her grandchildren will know and honor her the way Grandmother C was honored on a September Sunday.

“A good person leaves an inheritance for their children’s children…” Proverbs 13:22a

Friday Thoughts on Faith: Displaying the Work of God

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I can’t stop thinking about this quote from The Sacred Romance by John Eldredge.
The battles God calls us to, the woundings and cripplings of soul and body we all receive, cannot simply be ascribed to our sin and foolishness, or even to the sin and foolishness of others. When Jesus and the disciples were on the road one day, they came upon a man who had been blind since birth. “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents?” they asked him. “neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.” And with that, Jesus spat on the ground, made some mud to place on the man’s eyes, and healed him (John 9:1-7)
 
Many of us who are reading these words have not yet received God’s healing. The display of God’s works through our wounds, losses, and sufferings is yet to be revealed. And so, we groan and we wonder. (The Sacred Romance, pg 61)

“…so that the work of God might be displayed.” That phrase is powerful. The work of God is displayed all around me every day, isn’t it? When I turn to look out of my office window to watch a storm front move in from the Everglades. When I see the brilliant yellows, grays, oranges, blues, and pinks of a Florida sunrise over the ocean or sunset over the horizon. Celebrating the life of a friend who has crossed over and is finally free and home. Watching my son make a decision he knows is in his own best interest when he would rather do something totally different. Celebrating a friend who earns his 90 days sober chip and another who earns his 1 year. All of these display the work of God.

I think one of the reasons I can’t stop thinking about the quote is because of all the times I have decided that I must be doing something wrong because my life doesn’t look like I think it should. I haven’t achieved what I think I should have achieved. I don’t have the things I think I should have. It amazes me how deeply I can be committed to the reward/punishment view of life. Oftentimes, I don’t even realize it at first. Then I waste so much energy trying to fix things when the simple reality could be that God is just up to something separate and apart from my good behavior or bad behavior.

Think about that. What if God is up to something apart from my behavior? What if He is simply working out His will through my life? What if how it looks today and what I have to travel through to get to what it will look like in the future creates the opportunity to display his glory and accomplish something for someone else and doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with me, per se? Now, please hold your theological high horses at bay and let me qualify that statement to say of course, obedience. Of course, holiness. However, if my behavior, good or bad, is the determining factor of what I enjoy, then God is no longer God – I have become Him. Or a very poor reflection of Him. “but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.”

I think about my buddy Andy. Andy crossed over into eternity a few weeks ago after years of battling an insidious throat and mouth cancer. He hadn’t eaten solid food in nearly 8 years. He went through surgery upon surgery, chemo upon chemo, radiation upon radiation, and Andy never lost faith. I’m sure he despaired and I’m sure at times he had questions. But mostly, he just continued to live his life as best he was able and as best his body would let him. When I look at Andy’s life, it’s tempting to ask “what did he do wrong?”. Andy would tell you, plenty. Really, though, I think what Andy walked through and who he became in that process was all about displaying the work of God.

And I know of MANY whose lives have drawn closer to God because of it.

Gratefully, I have not experienced anything approaching the struggle of Andy’s life – but I have certainly had my share. What life hasn’t? Whether its the loss of a job, struggles with teenagers, serious health issues with spouse and close family, or unexpected struggles and set backs in the lives of people I love. I could look at those things collectively as a hard life. Or maybe just a normal life. Or I could stop myself and ask, how many of these things have happened “so that the work of God might be displayed”?

And my answer would be…all of them.

Friday Thoughts on Faith vol 3

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Fighting for Life

So this little experiment is off to a miserable start. No sooner had I penned the first post, then I proceeded to go about my life as if nothing were different. For a week. It probably didn’t help matters that I was sick for about 4 days.

I keep coming back to a line from An Ordered Life. “In following the Divine Office, I am done when it is time to be done, and my goal is no longer what I accomplish in a day, but who I become in a lifetime.” Wow.

My goal is no longer what I can accomplish in a day, but who I become in a lifetime? I hear such freedom in this line. Freedom from the pressure to perform. Freedom from the treadmill that mistakes movement for success. Freedom from keeping up with the Jones’ (or at least trying to).

For some reason, I’ve been thinking a lot about who I have become over my own lifetime. I’m not an old man, although I joke with my kids and my Middle School boys that I am. But I am certainly in a season where there is not an insignificant amount of water under the bridge. Paul says, when I was a child I spoke like a child and thought like a child but when I became a man I put off childish things. I wonder, have I done that? Really?

I guess I’m pondering these things because I struggle to see that I am making an impact on the world. I ponder these things because as I watch my children become young adults, I see them struggling under the weight of their doubts and questions. I see the pull and hold the world has on them and I wonder if my failings as a father will cause them to miss the kingdom of heaven. And, if I’m really honest, I wonder if I have missed it. If it’s too late for me.

I’ve been uneasy and unsettled much of the day and into the evening. So after dinner, I retreat to the bedroom. I put on some worship music and just sit. Then I begin to sing. And my heart begins to quiet. Then I pick up my lenten reading and engage my brain in a different direction. And my mind begins to quiet. I feel a return of His presence in a tangible way. And I lift my eyes away from the immediate and they are refocused on the eternal.

224726_2004835842018_150680_nI realize now, looking back on the moment, that this is what my heart cries for: freedom. The freedom of focusing not on the immediate or the urgent, but on the eternal. If I focus on the eternal, my heart is quieted. If I focus on the eternal, my mind is clear. If I focus on the eternal, I love well. If I focus on the eternal, I serve without complaining. If I focus on the eternal, I am at peace.

The best part? It has taken me longer to write this down than it did to live it out. Making space, cultivating that capacity, doesn’t have to be overwhelming – or require hours of solitude. It requires intention and willingness and a decision.

God help me to make that decision…for freedom…for You.

Friday Thoughts on Faith vol. 2

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On the loss of Maya Angelou – And a Generation of Leaders

(Author’s note: I originally wrote this piece two years ago on the morning after Maya Angelou died. I had thought to post it in honor of her birthday on April 4 or to mark the anniversary of her death on May 28. As I reread it this week, though, I decided it was a message that needed to be out there now, for a time such as this.)

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Maya Angelou died this morning. Whether you knew who she was or actually met her and had no clue (as a friend of mine did), she was an important character in our national story. She lived at the center of a defining decade and struggle from which we still have not extricated ourselves fully.

I will make a confession. What I know of Maya Angelou is largely through others experiences of her. I have seen her on TV reading her work and playing the occasional guest spot on Touched By An Angel or some other show. I have read bits and pieces of her poems. I respected her work and I respected her presence. I have never read a single one of her books. (I still haven’t…must remedy that!)

But I am sad today at her passing. And when I probe the depths of that sadness, I think the reason is that hers is but the next in an ongoing list of leaders whose time is fading. I was born at the end of the 1960’s. Indeed, much of the turmoil of that era was winding down by the time I arrived. However, the aftermath of that season of history shaped my childhood in the sense that it had a profound impact on how I experienced the world.

From my earliest memories, I had friends who were black. In Junior High and High School, some of my best friends were hispanic. Now, as an adult living in a major metropolitan region of the Southeast, I am proud to work, play, and worship alongside many people of many different nationalities. My children were both born to parents of other races and do not look like me or my wife.

Disney in 2009
Sweet 16 Photo by Laura Pittman
Fun in the mud 2005?

Out of that season of unrest and violence and change in the 1960’s, there were many, many voices that spoke out. There were some whom I believe were raised up by God to speak peace into the confusion. Not an empty, emotional peace. But a true peace born of understanding and allowing for differences. Not a peace at the cost of silencing those with whom we do not agree. But a peace that passes understanding that can only come from the presence of God through Jesus Christ.

These are true leaders who do not push a political or social agenda, but call us to a higher level of life. Maya Angelou is one such leader. To me, Billy Graham is another. Mother Theresa. Brennan Manning. Martin Luther King, Jr. And there are many others.

What makes me sad is the leadership landscape in our world today. The passing of this great generation leaves a powerful void. I do not hear or see from any on the public stage today the kind of calm, peaceful, reasoned, and hopeful leadership that the world is so desperately crying out for. Everywhere we turn, there are extreme opposites screaming for attention, clamoring for votes, forcing their opinion.

It is no secret that I am a Southern born and raised, White, Conservative, Evangelical Christian man. My upbringing and my faith have influenced my political and social positions just as yours has been influenced by your experience. I hold to many so-called traditional views on things like work, education, marriage and the like. However, above and beyond anything I might think or any opinion I may have is this one thing – God is love.

God is love. God created man in His image. Male and Female, He created them. For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life. Did you catch that? Whoever. There is no limitation. There is no exclusion. Anyone and everyone.

My point is this, we live in perilous and difficult times. There are huge problems to face and to solve. We live in a world at war. Not just politically or militarily, but spiritually. Life itself is under attack. Freedom itself is under attack.

We need strong leaders who can speak peace into the confusion. And I, for one, do not see them. Do you?

That is why I mourn at the passing of Maya Angelou and others of her generation.

The mission of Look Deeper Coaching is to help myself and others to #lookdeeper. I will persist in that mission. And maybe, just maybe, the voice of peace and love from the Prince of Peace will be heard once again.

After Thought

It is interesting to me that I wrote this nearly two years ago given the political season we find ourselves in as a county in the United States. My observation still stands. If anything, we can likely all agree that it has gotten more pronounced, this leadership void. Those of us who are people of faith, people of God, followers of Jesus must humble ourselves and pray. (See 2 Chronicles 7:13-14) Speak when we must, yes,  but pray without ceasing. 

 

Friday Thoughts on Faith

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I’m taking the opportunity on this Good Friday 2016 to launch a new feature on the blog called Friday Thoughts on Faith. On Fridays, I will take some time and space to explore what it means to live as a person of faith in modern times. I’m proud to launch this new feature with a piece called, Cultivating Capacity,  and to introduce a new page on the site where I will archive and share these posts. Like, Share, and Follow freely!

Cultivating Capacity

“…cultivating a capacity to live in the image of God.” Luke Eldredge

I read this line recently in an article from &Sons Magazine and I haven’t been able to get it out of my head. The article, titled An Ordered Life, is an examination of the virtues of the monastic life. This was brought on, in part,  by the young author’s foray into an experiment in the mountains of the Pacific Northwest.

I will confess to being more than a little envious. I am becoming more obsessed by the minute. I, too, have long shared the author’s fascination with the cloistered life.

As I sit with this idea of Cultivating Capacity, I feel as though there is deep revelation in this phrase for me. I might even be tempted to think it was just me and my lack of sleep, returning as I was from chaperoning an overnight Middle School trip and sharing a hotel room with four 6th grade boys. I might think that, except that as I read it, I was immediately compelled to share it with my friend, Mike.

Mike and I are in very similar stages of life. Both have kids in High School and Middle School. He still has one in Elementary school, too. Both pushing 50. Both striving daily to get this post modern evangelical life right – balancing career, family, faith and trying to have some semblance of a life. And we both are often stressed out. Both often speaking of missing the deeper things of God in the hurry to keep up. Both struggling to do it right.

We are brothers in arms, he and I. And I know we are not alone.

As soon as I shared the article with him, he wrote me back saying he had often pondered some of the same things. I began to wonder, what would it look like to cultivate a capacity to live in the image of God in the midst of this life I am already living? What if, in spite of my many challenges, issues, and battles – I became more and more intentional about making room for the life of God in me? What if it doesn’t have to be something that happens only on spiritual retreat or for the few who are called to a truly monastic life? How can I bring this idea to life when I wake up in the morning?

So I started asking myself this question at the start of every new activity or next thing in my day. How can I use this to cultivate a capacity to live in the image of God? Right now, as I’m folding this laundry, pumping gas into my car, driving my sullen and silent teenage daughter to church, or coordinating schedules with my wife – where am I living out the image of God?

And I started asking Mike that same question. Because if you are going to reorient your life, it’s infinitely easier with a friend. Especially one who is walking alongside you on that road already.

It’s not as difficult as you might think. Nor as easy as you might hope.

So it is that I find myself writing this post and you find yourself reading it. I don’t think either one is an accident. Maybe you’re reading this because you’re my mom (Hi Mom!) or one of her friends. Or maybe you clicked on the link by mistake from somebody’s random Facebook post. Whatever the circumstances,  the Bible says that deep calls to deep in the Psalm 42. (That entire Psalm sets great context for this post, by the way.)

The deep life of God is crying out to the deep places of your heart. It calls to mine as well. That is why I want to explore this idea of Cultivating Capacity together. I will share on this page what I am learning about this concept, strategies and tactics I’m using to make that space in a very crowded modern life, and offer what encouragement I can as you take your own journey.

Start today. Right now. On this Good Friday, don’t simply rush through your day to get to the weekend. Find a time and a space to reflect on what this day represents and ask yourself, “How am I living in light of the sacrifice that was made for me?”