Courtesy of BecomeGoodSoil.com

This quote is one of my favorites. It is a favorite because it is at once encouraging and challenging. It encourages me that finding that “me” time is critical. It challenges me because I too often neglect my self care. When I do that, it almost always has disastrous consequences.

It’s been one, um, h-e-double hockey sticks of a month.

Since this is the first post in about a month, you’ve probably figured that out.  A month! I’ve probably lost the three readers I did have. In which case, no one is reading this anyway so I can be brutally honest.

Some seasons of life are harder than others. In this current season, I find it incredibly difficult to balance all that is required of me as a husband, father, professional, coach, friend, volunteer, provider, faith community member, son, uncle, brother, and any other number of titles you want to add to this list. I know you have a similar list. How in the world are we supposed to get it all done?

Between trying to stay on budget at home, raising teenagers, celebrating a sweet 16 (which was the best part of this last month, by far) and absolute insanity at work requiring long days on top of an already long commute there were times I wasn’t even sure what day it was. And without fail, the first thing to go is the routine. Not that I’m all that rigid when it comes to the routine anyway. Because I’m not. At all. Not my personality. But I DO have a routine that I try to more or less follow for one simple reason – it forces me to take care of me.

Sweet 16 Photo by Laura Pittman

Rather than bore you with a long run-on listing out my routine, I will summarize it as follows. Early to bed and early to rise…I like to be in bed before 11pm and up before 6am. That early morning allows me time to ease into my day. I have time to sit and sip a cup of coffee, open my Bible and renew my mind and faith, read for inspiration, and write out what’s rolling around in my head. I feel ready to take on my day and whatever it brings. I am running on all cylinders by the time I hit the office. I’m a force to be reckoned with.

What’s happened over the last month to the whole morning routine?  Obliterated.

The only real time to feed my soul gets wiped out from sheer exhaustion. Sleeping in a little bit, rushing out the door about 30 minutes behind schedule, working a little bit later or dealing with some crisis at the office. Home late and dropping to the couch to vegetate for a few minutes. I’m toast. And I’m so much less myself that I’m virtually no good to anyone.

Maybe for you it’s working out or yoga or tai chai or some such. It could be as simple as a night out with the girls or guys or going to church. Maybe it’s date night (so I’ve heard). Whatever it is that restores your soul, if you’re so busy that it falls by the way side..well then, you’re too busy. Neglecting ourselves makes us less able to bring that best version of ourselves to bear on the world around us. We don’t think as clearly, we don’t relate as well, we don’t give as freely. And our absence is felt. Plus, no one really wants to be around you (or at least me) because we get grumpy. We are not ourselves.

Disastrous.

I’m better than that. So are you. The world needs what you have to bring to it. The world needs what I have to bring. So as soon as we feel it slipping away, we must course correct.

The moral of this cautionary tale is that we must not neglect to care for ourselves. At a soul level. Because in that simple act, we empower that which enables us to impact the world.

We must do whatever it takes.

Put an appointment on your calendar, a reminder in your phone, set out your running shoes the night before – whatever it takes. Block that time. Protect it as sacred. Because it is. It’s the well from which everything else flows.

So tomorrow morning, I’m back on the wagon…morning routine here I come. So I should probably go to bed now…

What about you? How do you self care? How’s it going? What’s your favorite way to feed your soul? Let’s talk about it in the comments!

Recently, after 19 years, Steve Perry – the former lead singer of the rock band Journey, appeared on stage at a concert in St. Paul Minnesota. I mean, he sang “Open Arms” for crying out loud! It’s the ultimate slow dance/make out song for many of us 40-something guys out there, right? (Admit it – you just flashed back to 8th grade Valentine’s Day dance too, didn’t you? No? Just me?)

What struck me as I watched the bootleg cellphone video of the performance was one thing – his smile. Even though the video was far from HD quality, you could tell he was genuinely having a ball. That it felt right.

Check it out for yourself here (language warning): 

I believe, in part, it felt right because Steve Perry was born to be a singer. His purpose in life is all about making music and telling stories. He smiles because he can’t help it.

Then I think about how awesome it feels when I know I am where I am meant to be doing what I was made to do. This happened to me recently as I met with a coaching client. We were ending a 4 month engagement, wrapping up our time together. This client said to me,  “You have done a great job in taking the words that I said and helping me see them from a different perspective and for drawing out of me what I did not know was there.” Something inside me just screamed, “YES! This is what you were born to do!”

And I smiled. Because I couldn’t help it.

But it almost didn’t happen. For the better part of 20 years now, I have felt like I was wandering. You see, at 14 years old, I knew what I wanted to do, what I believed I was meant to do. But for whatever reason (and really, there are lots of them – another post, maybe) pursuing the traditional route of a minister – seminary training, church staff, traveling to a mission field (all of which I have done at one time or another) didn’t seem like the place I was supposed to be. Instead, I became a husband and then a dad. I worked because like many others, I like food. And a roof. And clothes. But I didn’t necessarily think that my “career” was where I was supposed to be.

It makes me think about the years that I feel like I have wasted in not “doing” or “being” what I am meant to be. It is so easy to start living in that place of failure and shame. I’ve spent too much time down that road. I have the bruises to prove it.

The funny thing is, when I stop to look back, I see God’s hand at work in the lives of countless people He has brought into my path for a specific season and a specific reason. Even my mother said to me just the other day, “You have ministered to so many people even though you aren’t in ministry.” God always accomplishes His purposes. Always.

What I have come to understand, is that God does not see life the way we see life. At 45 years old, I’m not past the halfway point on His timeline. He is working for the eternal purpose in my life. And I’ve barely scratched the surface. So I’m all in. I’m after His purposes in and through my life and the timeline be damned.

This is why lookdeepercoaching.com exists. I am pursuing my purpose. I don’t have it all figured out, but I am committed to the journey. I would love to help you pursue your purpose as well. If you’d like more information, click on Contact at the top of the page and fill out the form.

You are not past the halfway point, either. It’s not too late. God is at work. He longs to accomplish His purposes in you and through you. Come on, what were you born to do? It’s time to start doing that. It’s not too late.

That’s what we all are, right?

That’s certainly what this site is. But more on that in a minute…

It wasn’t until I reached middle age that I really came to appreciate or even understand the phrase, “It’s the journey, not the destination.” I have been so married to the idea that how I perform is directly related to my value and worth and “success” as a person that I couldn’t allow myself to just be. It was an exhausting existence.

The problem is, eventually you crumble under that weight of expected perfection. At least I did. I reached a point a while back where the weight of who I thought I was supposed to be and the reality of who I was (by most internal and external measures) were so far apart that I literally gave up. A dark place.

It took a lot of hours to sort through the pain, the lies, and the destructive beliefs so that I could see clearly. See myself. See my loved ones. See God. Critical to that journey was, and continues to be, a partner. Someone to listen to me, call me out when needed, and importantly – someone who isn’t linked to the outcome. That means, they have no personal agenda other than my well being on the other side.

That’s what a coach does. That’s who a coach is. That’s what #lookdeeper is all about. I believe that we all have a desire to live life to the fullest. The great news is we can do that! I also believe that sometimes, we all need a little help. The bad news is, we don’t always look for that help.

This new venture, lookdeepercoaching.com and The Look Deeper Blog exist to help you move to where you want to be. In the weeks ahead, you can expect to see content that will explain this in greater detail. I will explore with you what coaching is, what coaching isn’t, how a coach can help, and what that might look like. I will also be sharing content that gives you a glimpse into who I am as the @lookdeepercoach (you should follow me on twitter).

I once saw a t-shirt that said “Let’s go do fun things!” So let’s do that! Thank you for joining me on this journey.