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Taking the Mulligan in 2019

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hnyHappy New Year!

If you’re reading this, thank you for coming back! I know it’s been a long time since you’ve heard from me and I’m sorry about that. But it’s a new year and we are moving forward.

A new year always seems to bring with it a flurry of activity related to making the most of the blank slate that is stretching out before us in all it’s 347 gloriously as yet unlived days (since it’s already the middle of January, I adjusted the number). Setting goals, having a focus, hitting a reset. Or even the dreaded “New Year’s Resolution”. I say dreaded, because that idea of a resolution just feels like too much pressure and I can’t even remember a single one I’ve kept or followed through on in my entire life. Ever. I gave up on them years ago.

It occurs to me that all of these are different ways we describe what is possibly the greatest invention of childhood, the do-over! You remember how this works, right? You attempt something…it doesn’t quite work out the way you planned, hoped, or boasted so you immediately yell, “DO OVER” and try it again. If you must have a more mature metaphor – in golf, they call it a Mulligan. While in golf, and sometimes in childhood, there’s usually a limit to the number of “do-over’s” one can claim in the quest for the goal before you must concede defeat/failure – the great thing about being a grown up is that you learn that there actually isn’t a limit to the number of do-overs you’re allowed as you pursue your goals and dreams.

Isn’t that amazing?!

So as we stare down the barrel of a new year, it’s time to rethink your goals. Do you have any? What about left over goals from last year? Weren’t there things you wanted to accomplish in 2018 that you’re still looking to complete? I thought so. I have them too.

Here’s what I want you to do. Yes, this post is interactive…and it’s your actions that define you not your words, so, right now, what I want you to do is:

  • Get a clear picture in your mind of a goal or a dream you’ve been working toward but haven’t yet fully realized. You may have several, but only focus in on one. The first one that came to mind. Maybe it’s a business goal or a wellness goal or a relational or spiritual goal or maybe its a physical goal or challenge. Get it clear in your mind. (Feel free to grab a clean sheet of paper and write the goal down at the top of the page if it helps you.)
  • Now I want you to spend a few moments thinking about all the reasons you haven’t hit that goal yet. Everything…no matter how daunting or how trivial or selfish or cliche. Even if you sound like you’re whining inside your head…start listing it out in your mind (or on the page, if you choose.). Get through them all. Get them all out.
  • For this next part, you won’t need your paper. Now I want you to close your eyes (after you’ve read the instructions) and  envision all of those reasons – all of those barriers – all of those burdens – lifting off of you and your goal. Watch all of those obstacles move aside to create a clear way through. See yourself with a clear path to achieving your goal. (If you have them, and are so inclined, I encourage you to take a few drops of essential oil and breathe deeply. I would recommend something grounding or stimulating like Peppermint or Spruce. If you have it, Young Living Envision essential oil blend is ideal for this exercise.)
  • Once you see the clear path, open your eyes.  

You have now shifted your mindset around that one goal in just a few moments. Well done!

Mindfulness is a concept that has become quite trendy of late. There are a lot of interesting practices associated with that word as well. And while in our day, it is easily associated with what many call the “New Age” and may make us uncomfortable, like many practices, mindfulness is actually rooted in ancient spiritual practice. Christians are even encouraged to do this throughout New Testament Scripture.  The concept of being mindful or intentional or guarding our thoughts appears in Scripture 26 times. The word actually means to direct the mind to (or toward), to seek for. We are instructed to take every thought captive, have the mind of Christ, and to set our minds on things above…

Mindset and intention are critical. There’s a reason Proverbs says “As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.”

As you think about a new year and new goals – or getting back on track with some old ones, here are two ideas to help us make the mulligan of this new year count for all it’s worth.

The first is Discipline. That terrible “D” word, at least it’s a word I have strong emotions around. Some people are naturally disciplined and I find that amazing. Truly. I am in awe of those among you who are able to set a course and order your steps in service to that course no matter what. Me? I have to work at it. But when we talk about a successful mindset change, discipline is key. The courage to say yes to the right things and no to the wrong things in service to your goal – whatever that goal is.  

Then comes Consistency. Consistency is sort of the other side of the coin to discipline. Consistency to keep on saying no or saying yes. Do what you need to do. In the context of your goal, what does that look like? I’ll let you in on one of mine – it’s this – the writing – consistently carving out time to shut out everything else and put fingers to keys or pen to paper. That’s how I’m going to take the mulligan here at Look Deeper Coaching and get back to helping the most people in the best way I can.

Seems simple, right?

Of course it isn’t. So that’s why I am also going to encourage you to make yourself accountable to at least one other person who you share your goal with and what steps you’re taking to move towards that goal. They’ll be able to help you say yes to the right things and say no to the wrong things – or even defend your choices when others may not easily understand. And if you need somebody to hold you accountable, email me your goal and let’s talk about it!

The last thing I will say is simply this. I’m not necessarily a deep expert in goal setting and the ideas I’ve shared with you aren’t meant to be an exhaustive list of all the ways to achieve or set your goals. What I hope I’ve done is encouraged you to find a way to be intentional in going after your goals, whatever those goals are. Even if you’ve been chasing it for years.

And I invite you – and may I even go so far as to say give you permission – to take the mulligan – as many times as you need it. Just keep moving forward.

I wrote this a couple of years ago, and I think it applies here as well. Let it be your marching orders for the new year. Join me, won’t you?

“… as I choose to shake off the dust and regret and to shut out those nagging feelings of doubt and failure. I’m choosing, instead, to set out back on the journey. I’m choosing to take action. Because I must. And because I know that I’m the only one who can stop me.” (From this post here on the blog:

If you want to learn more about Young Living Essential Oils, go here: Young Living Essential Oils

To read more about the concepts of discipline and execution, read this post: Get Your Game Face On: 4 Keys to Breaking the Slacker Cycle or check out the other content here on the blog.

If you’d like some accountability in your goals or need help finding a way forward, schedule a free discovery session by clicking on Contact at the top of the page.

Back to Basics – Lesson #1 Your Resume

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backtobasics

After a summer off, I’m excited to relaunch today with a new series devoted to one of everybody’s favorite topics – themselves. Or, more accurately, their career. Lately, I’ve been doing a lot of career coaching and I’ve noticed some things. Not exactly trends, but more like consistent issues.  

As we find ourselves heading into back to school season, I thought it would be fun to go back to basics on your career, too. Hiring hasn’t really slowed down much this summer and we are still a few months away from the end of year dead zone. Now is the perfect time to put yourself out there and find that next great opportunity. If you are thinking about it or you are already in the job market, this series is for you.

Lesson #1 – Your Resume.

The first thing most any hiring manager or recruiter will know of you is what is on your resume. It is important that it tells the best possible version of your career story. Most screeners and recruiters will only spend a couple of minutes looking at it before they decide if you are worth a phone call. The purpose of your resume is to get you that phone call.

While there will always be some subjectivity in any resume review, there are three key elements that will greatly increase the chances of your resume prompting that recruiter or hiring manager to pick up the phone. So pull out your resume and look at it through the eyes of a recruiter. Ask yourself, how clearly do these three elements show up on the page?

Element #1: Focus on Action

Without exception, the most common mistake  on most every resume I read (and I’ve read thousands), is the lack of action or activity. Most resumes tend to read more like job descriptions. They tell the story of the job, but not of the person in the job – you.

As a general rule, the job title you list on your resume will tell me all I need to know about the responsibilities of the role. What I need to know is what you were able to accomplish in that role. Take a look at these examples:

Instead of this… Say this…
Responsible for all aspects of recruiting. Reduced time to fill by an average of  3 days per role.
Provided tier 1 technical support. Increased first call resolution by 15% over six months.
Managed multiple customer accounts. Increased total sales by 20% by growing existing customer accounts.

You get the idea.

The first column is descriptive. The second column is active.

The first column is vague. The second column is specific.

The first column is generic. The second column is personal.

As a recruiter or hiring manager, I care less about what you were responsible for and much more about what you accomplished. Tell me about what you were able to contribute and how you did what you did, not just what your boss told you to do. I need to get an image of how you approach your work. That picture is what helps me determine if you fit into what I have open.

Wherever possible, lead with an action word that describes your result and follow it up with the actual result. And always, always, always write your resume in first person. Experts calls this the human voiced resume. You are telling your story. It is personal. First person makes your storytelling that much stronger.

Element #2: Leverage the Data

Once you lead with the action, wherever possible, you need to incorporate real data into the statements. Please don’t make things up here. This is not the opportunity to “embellish” your resume. Point to actual results and provide the context or time-frame for the data.

For example, “Increased first call resolution by 15%” is a strong statement, but adding the time descriptor, “within six months” makes the statement that much stronger. Context to the data is important. Add just enough to describe the impact.

Why is this important? Because every single business who is looking to hire is concerned about one thing above all others – bottom line results. We know that there are numerous data points reflected in any bottom line, so where did your role influence a metric that ultimately translates to the bottom line? That’s where you want to shine a light.

Data gives your resume weight and credibility. It demonstrates that you understand what drives the business you are a part of. It signals to a hiring manager that you are able to deliver results. That’s what every manager is after in the hiring process, the right person to deliver the right results.

Element #3: Describe the Impact

If there is a secret to the secret sauce of resume writing, this is it. Whatever else you do, you need to be thinking in terms of impact. What is, or was, the impact of your work in a particular job.

If you’re not sure how to describe that, answer the “So What?” question. You were a customer service rep for a big company. So what? What did you do in that role to make an impact on your employer’s business, customers, other employees, or bottom line? The answer to the “So What?” question helps you describe the impact you made. That’s the story you need to tell.

When I read that you were able to increase repeat customer traffic by focusing on customer care and increasing customer satisfaction rates, I learn that you know how to take care of customers. I also learn that you know what will help increase sales for a business. At that point, I can reasonably believe that you will deliver similar results in my position. Even if the positions are not exactly the same, what you’ve accomplished in the past is a reasonable predictor of what you will be able to accomplish in the future.

The more clearly you can describe the impact of your work – of your presence – the more of my attention you will capture. When you capture my attention, I am far more likely to pick up the phone. And if I pick up the phone, you’re one step closer to landing that next gig.

Does Your Resume Make the Grade?

How does your resume stack up? How well do these three elements show up in your story? What could you do today to make it even better?

If you’d like some help, complete the contact form here and request a Resume Review. If you mention that you read the blog, I’ll send you a complementary critique. You can also book one of my other service offerings you can find listed here.

Next week, we’ll turn our attention to search strategy…just how do you know where to send this new and improved resume, anyway?

It’s All About the Leader

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FTL RedThe clash for power. The clash of ideals. The tipping point. The boiling point. The point of no return. Whatever you call it, the moment it erupts can have devastating consequences. That moment can also provide incredible catharsis. Often, it offers both.

Basically, it comes down to one person wants one thing and another person wants something different or has serious concerns. So you express those concerns. The other person becomes increasingly frustrated. So frustrated in fact that what follows is the not uncommon but also not productive downward spiral into defensiveness and disintegrating communication.

It may start out innocently at first. In an attempt to diffuse the tension, someone may try a retreat defense. That looks something like this: “Well, I think it’s important and I want to talk about it but if you don’t agree then I defer to you. Whatever.” I don’t know about you, but I almost instantly recognize this for what it is, an avoidance tactic.

This moment is the moment of truth. Do you wade into this or do you leave it alone? I usually wade into those waters. I respectfully ask the other person not to defer but to engage in the discussion.

Sometimes, that’s when it goes downhill.

The specifics don’t really matter. You can guess what happens next. There is a “passionate exchange” that quickly escalates into a public shouting match. In a worst case scenario, it culminates in someone storming out of the meeting altogether. Productivity dies.

The rest of the meeting becomes hesitant and awkward. The remaining party usually withdraws and offers only what is absolutely necessary instead of bringing their best. The team misses an opportunity to take their effectiveness to the next level by working through the disagreement without disintegration. It is unnecessary and unfortunate.

And ultimately, it is the leader’s fault.

The buck stops with the leader. Always. In whatever circumstance. Whether they think that or not and whether they own it or not.

In my sordid little tale, what if the leader (who stormed out) had reacted differently? What if he or she had made their case in a calm manner along with reasoned arguments that supported that position? What if he or she had taken the lead and set out a strong vision and then invited us into how to make that vision a reality? What if he or she had refused to lose their temper, no matter how frustrated they were?

I have been fortunate to work for some incredible leaders in my career. Men and women who confidently and consistently cast a vision, set the direction, and lead the charge. There were great successes achieved in those environments. I have also worked for some ineffective leaders, too. Men and women who were self absorbed, timid, and completely unsure of themselves.

And in neither case did the team ever succeed, working under whichever leader, in spite of this fact. The quality of the leader always had a direct correlation to the success of the team. Always.

What’s important to remember here is that the leader sets the tone. When there is insecurity, lack of clarity, and lack of direction, the organization struggles to know who they are meant to be and therefore, what they are meant to do. What you are left with is an organization (team, partnership, business, company) that gets in its own way and a leader who feels increasingly disconnected from the reality of a place he or she just doesn’t recognize anymore.

So, if you are a leader, take stock.  Ask yourself some important questions about the effect of your behavior:

  • Who am I being as a leader?
  • What impact is that having on my organization?
  • Where am I not being clear?
  • What are some ways I can provide both vision and direction without micromanaging?
  • How can I know that I am being an effective leader?

If you are working or serving under a leader who is getting in their own way, what can you do? First of all, you must recognize there is a limit to what you can do. Ultimately, you can’t change them. The individual will have to make that choice for themselves. However, you aren’t helpless.

There are things you can do:

  • You can lovingly and respectfully ask some of the questions above.
  • You can send them the link to this blog (or another that you really like).
  • You can choose to be very calm and clear and communicate how this leader’s behavior is impacting you and your ability to perform.
  • You can walk away.

Sometimes, that’s the best thing for all involved. Don’t waste your energy  if it’s just not working. Go in search of the environment that will allow you to work at your best.

What has your experience been? When have you seen this principle play out in the real world (positive or negative)? What advice would you offer to the person dealing with an ineffective leader? 

Share your stories and I’ll write a follow up post in a week or so.

(Life) What Gets In the Way

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I’ve heard variations on this theme, “Life gets in the way,” a lot in my day. I’ve even said those words, “Life just got in the way” when trying to comfort myself in my own failure to achieve a goal. And today, I feel the need to call “bull” on this phrase and anyone who has ever uttered it. On myself most of all.

How, exactly, does life get in the way of life? There is no logic, beyond a self serving logic, in this concept. After all, we only have one life. This is it. One run for all the marbles. You don’t get a do-over, not really.

I have a confession to make. I’ve turned into a bit of a curmudgeon lately. Really. I am the poster child for grumpiness. I have even put myself in time out more than once in the last few weeks. There is a discontent and an anger in me that feels like it’s pegging off the charts. I mean, most men of a certain age deal with these two emotions (I’m not as young as I used to be).  I just feel it rising up in me…churning like an active volcano preparing to spew.

Losing my dad has a lot to do with this, I know. (That just happened in November. More about this in the weeks ahead.)

And losing my way in the process.

It’s been nearly six months since I published a post on this blog. There are plenty of reasons, even some pretty good ones. And LOTS of excuses. But at the end of the day, you know what got in the way? Me. I did.

That’s the whole ugly truth of the matter. I got in the way. In the two years since I published my first blog, I’ve grown to love the maddening art of writing to teach, to communicate, and to explore. I never set out to be a writer. But I needed to get a message out there. I believed I could help some people.

Looking at the stated purpose of this blog, to help myself and others to #lookdeeper, I need to dig deeper into why I haven’t published anything these past months. Where is the discontent and anger coming from? And, more importantly, what am I going to do about it? I don’t want to be content with just existing or oozing through life. I don’t want to feel like I’ve missed the mark, or missed my calling, or missed the point. And worse, I don’t want my children to miss out on their best life because I didn’t set a good example for them.

So I choose to shake off the dust and regret and to shut out those nagging feelings of doubt and failure. I’m choosing, instead, to set out back on the journey. I’m choosing to take action. Because I must. And because I know that I’m the only one who can stop me.

So here we go…with only moments to spare, I’ve met a goal I set at the beginning of February to re-launch the blog. Does it look like I wanted it to? No. Is it accompanied with the brilliant marketing strategy rolling around in my head? Not even close. But at the beginning of January, I heard God speak the word “action” over this year. I’m great with the words…but the actions, not so much. This is action. This is faith. Because, I’m the only one who can stop me.

And you’re the only one who can stop you. So where do you need to take action? What have you laid down that you need to pick back up? What have you put off starting that you need to just get moving on? When will you take that next step?

It doesn’t have to be perfect. It doesn’t even have to feel right or good. Just do something.

What needs to get done? Get after it.

Stop the Insanity: 5 Strategies for Maintaining Focus

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fomo1-1I will admit that I regularly experience an overwhelming sense of FoMO when it comes to my profession. FoMO, or Fear of Missing Out, is a uniquely 21st Century condition. At it’s core, FoMO perpetuates the fear of having made the wrong decision on how to spend one’s time, because one imagines how things could, or should, be different. It’s usually linked to social activities and tied to an near-obsessive use of social media. But I would argue that in our busy, overcrowded world, FoMO can manifest itself in multiple areas.

This was brought into sharp relief for me the other day when I read a post from Liz Ryan called These Ten Policies Are an Embarrassment to the HR Profession . I agreed with some of it. I was baffled by much of it. Liz is a disruptor. I’m actually a fan of her philosophy at The Human Workplace– which I would summarize as keeping the workplace human. Great idea and something I have always been committed to in my 20+ years as an HR leader.

While I support her philosophy, I struggle with some of her messages. And not just hers (I’m not picking on Liz, her piece just happened to be the tipping point for me). I find myself increasingly frustrated and overwhelmed by the ideas that are flying around about what should and should not be allowed, expected, or addressed in today’s workplace. Couple that with the voice of the employment attorney (hint: not necessarily known, as a profession, for their innovation) and what’s your average HR Director to do?

I don’t think this is unique to the world of HR. It applies in multiple arenas: parenting, education, medicine, communications, marketing and advertising, technology…you name it. Insert the specifics of your world here and I’m sure you’ve experienced something similar.

I get it  – there are different types of people and different types of leaders. Some of us are born to push the envelope, relentlessly pursuing and pushing those around us (or dragging them, kicking and screaming) on to the next big thing. Then there’s the opposite extreme, the ones who never vary from their tactics or approach because it has always worked for them in the past and if it isn’t working that’s somebody else’s issue.

Personally, I think I’m somewhere in the middle. I think most of you are, too. I am all for new, but not just for the sake of doing something new. I’m also a big fan of tradition, but only insomuch as that tradition serves a real purpose or a real need.

Maybe you, like me, are finding yourself unsettled by those who are disrupters by nature. After all, our culture today rewards disruption. If you push the envelope, sacrifice the sacred cows on an open flame, or flat out ignore things that you no longer believe to be relevant – you are a hero. I am not opposed to innovation. Neither am I a fan of “throw-the-baby-out-with-the-bathwater” approaches to anything.  

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STOP. THE. INSANITY.

Seriously. It’s enough to make a guy run for the hills (or actively seek out a career change).

I think, though, there is room for the middle ground here. Anything we adopt or bring into our lives or professional practice should exist for one purpose – to move us closer to our vision. We should be incorporating the best of what’s out there in order to get better at what we do, whether that’s as a leader, a homeschool mom, a pastor, or whatever your role in the world.

If, like me, you are trying to learn how to manage the craziness, maybe these approaches will help you.

Turn Off the Internet

In other words, stop reading EVERYTHING that comes out (except this blog, of course). That is far easier said than done, but at the end of the day you do NOT have to read it all nor do it all. Period. You simply have more choices today than at any time in history. If you’re working on multiple new habits or techniques, then stop reading about more for the time being. When you’ve completed some of the transition, then you can start looking around again.

Or file what you’re reading away for another time. Use a tool like Pocket or a site like Pinterest (yes, guys use Pinterest, too) that allow you to save content for future use.

Know Your Business Cold

Whatever your business may be, know it cold. What are you focused on? What drives your success? What are you trying to accomplish? Be crystal clear about what it is that defines success in your endeavor. This is critical for your filtering mechanism. Once you have that down, you should be able to quickly identify when an opportunity, technique, or idea will help you achieve that success or take you in a different direction. If it isn’t moving you towards success, get rid of it. Do not give it any attention.

See the Truth

Be realistic about what’s working or what’s not working as it relates to your goals. Especially if what’s not working happens to be you! By honestly knowing yourself and what you are and are not willing to adjust to move forward, then you know what to pay attention to and what you can ignore. Don’t make a decision on the basis of what you want to be true, make it on the basis of what is actually true about your capability, your circumstances, your time, your family, etc.

Craft Your Vision

What does your future look like when you add that new technique or change how you do what you do? If you were the exact leader you most want to be, what does that look like? When you release your kids into the world, what kind of people do you want them to be? Where is all of this going? Write it down. Then, if you’re reading the latest blog or “research” you’ll be able to tell pretty quickly if it can help move you towards your vision.

By the way – I’d love to help you work through and create this vision. Just click on contact and let’s talk about it.

Be Realistic

Contrary to popular belief, you really can’t do more than one thing at a time. And you really can’t focus on a lot of different projects all at once. This tip is closely related to seeing the truth. You need to cut yourself some slack and understand what you can and cannot take on at any given moment. Sometimes, the answer has to be – not yet. Finish some things before trying to tackle others. No one can do it all, no matter what popular culture would have you believe.

Keep Moving the Needle

Slow and steady wins the race. Always. Because, really, the only person you are racing against is you. Whether you are trying to get better at something, change a habit or behavior, or accomplish your life’s purpose, the only competition is yourself. You may not be able to affect change quickly, but you can change SOMETHING. Do that and move forward. Eventually, you will get it done.

Start now. Or better yet, stop now. Don’t ponder. Take one action, right now – before clicking off this page – to stop the insanity in your world. Then tell me about it in the comments below. I’d love to hear your ideas and how it’s going for you.

For additional information, check out Michael Hyatt ‘s new site, Free to Focus.

Friday Thoughts on Faith: Displaying the Work of God

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I can’t stop thinking about this quote from The Sacred Romance by John Eldredge.
The battles God calls us to, the woundings and cripplings of soul and body we all receive, cannot simply be ascribed to our sin and foolishness, or even to the sin and foolishness of others. When Jesus and the disciples were on the road one day, they came upon a man who had been blind since birth. “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents?” they asked him. “neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.” And with that, Jesus spat on the ground, made some mud to place on the man’s eyes, and healed him (John 9:1-7)
 
Many of us who are reading these words have not yet received God’s healing. The display of God’s works through our wounds, losses, and sufferings is yet to be revealed. And so, we groan and we wonder. (The Sacred Romance, pg 61)

“…so that the work of God might be displayed.” That phrase is powerful. The work of God is displayed all around me every day, isn’t it? When I turn to look out of my office window to watch a storm front move in from the Everglades. When I see the brilliant yellows, grays, oranges, blues, and pinks of a Florida sunrise over the ocean or sunset over the horizon. Celebrating the life of a friend who has crossed over and is finally free and home. Watching my son make a decision he knows is in his own best interest when he would rather do something totally different. Celebrating a friend who earns his 90 days sober chip and another who earns his 1 year. All of these display the work of God.

I think one of the reasons I can’t stop thinking about the quote is because of all the times I have decided that I must be doing something wrong because my life doesn’t look like I think it should. I haven’t achieved what I think I should have achieved. I don’t have the things I think I should have. It amazes me how deeply I can be committed to the reward/punishment view of life. Oftentimes, I don’t even realize it at first. Then I waste so much energy trying to fix things when the simple reality could be that God is just up to something separate and apart from my good behavior or bad behavior.

Think about that. What if God is up to something apart from my behavior? What if He is simply working out His will through my life? What if how it looks today and what I have to travel through to get to what it will look like in the future creates the opportunity to display his glory and accomplish something for someone else and doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with me, per se? Now, please hold your theological high horses at bay and let me qualify that statement to say of course, obedience. Of course, holiness. However, if my behavior, good or bad, is the determining factor of what I enjoy, then God is no longer God – I have become Him. Or a very poor reflection of Him. “but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.”

I think about my buddy Andy. Andy crossed over into eternity a few weeks ago after years of battling an insidious throat and mouth cancer. He hadn’t eaten solid food in nearly 8 years. He went through surgery upon surgery, chemo upon chemo, radiation upon radiation, and Andy never lost faith. I’m sure he despaired and I’m sure at times he had questions. But mostly, he just continued to live his life as best he was able and as best his body would let him. When I look at Andy’s life, it’s tempting to ask “what did he do wrong?”. Andy would tell you, plenty. Really, though, I think what Andy walked through and who he became in that process was all about displaying the work of God.

And I know of MANY whose lives have drawn closer to God because of it.

Gratefully, I have not experienced anything approaching the struggle of Andy’s life – but I have certainly had my share. What life hasn’t? Whether its the loss of a job, struggles with teenagers, serious health issues with spouse and close family, or unexpected struggles and set backs in the lives of people I love. I could look at those things collectively as a hard life. Or maybe just a normal life. Or I could stop myself and ask, how many of these things have happened “so that the work of God might be displayed”?

And my answer would be…all of them.

Running the Race: 4 Lessons About Coaching I Learned Watching My Son Become a Runner

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Sooo….as I type this, the Rio Olympics have come to a close. I’m so excited that I can now sleep again. I’ll admit it. I’m an Olympics junkie. I have spent much of the last two weeks in a self-induced Olympics hangover. It’s a thing.

It is the result of staying up far too late and expending a great deal of emotional energy cheering on these amazing athletes as they pursue their dreams. And while I will drop the name of Michael Phelps here in a blatant and shameless attempt to attract attention, I have many other favorite moments.  Among them, in no particular order….Simone Manuel’s win in the 100 fly, David Boudia and Steele Johnson, the women’s 4×100 and 4×400 relay teams, Ashton Eaton and the decathlon, Katie Ledecky, Maya Dirado, and even Usain Bolt – truly poetry in motion.

Watching the Olympics this time has been a different experience because I now watch Track and Field through new eyes. I’ve always enjoyed the Decathlon and the Heptathlon (Jackie Joyner-Kersee anyone?) But things changed this year because of my son.

You see, my son is a runner.

He’s always been athletically inclined and he’s always been quick on his feet. How many times when he was a toddler did I think, “Why did we ever teach him to walk?” But he walked at 10 months old and never looked back.

Now that he is on the threshold of high school, running has taken on a whole new meaning for him and for our family. It started last fall with Cross Country. Then, he became a three event competitor in Track and Field including running anchor on the 4×400 relay (the penultimate event at scholastic Track Meets). In fact, he ended up competing in two events at the state Middle School Championship in his very first season.

I have to tell you that I’ve heard phrases like, “Run your race” and “Finish strong” my whole life. But unless and until you are a competitive runner – or watching your kid become a competitive runner – you have no idea what that means. At any given moment I have experienced a plethora of emotions: concern, worry, fear, pride, struggle, joy. Tears of relief. Tears of joy. Tears of pride. It’s unnerving. I’m more at ease now than I was when we started this journey, but it’s still hard.

I have learned a lot about coaching from watching how he has been coached in this, his first year of truly competitive athletics. Years ago, my brother-in-law, an NCAA competitive running coach, told us to let our son just play. There will be time to coach him when he’s older. For now, just let him hold on to his love of running.

It was good advice. We heeded it. Over the years he’s played soccer, basketball, and t-ball – he even swam one season in a rec league – and just let him love it. So when the opportunity came for him to be able to run Cross Country last Fall – he was ready. He made the choice.

I have learned four great lessons from watching his coaches this past year. Lessons that are important reminders for myself as a coach. They are also important insight into what you can expect from a coach, what you should expect from a coach. They are great leadership lessons.

Here is what his coaches did so well:

Lesson #1: Met Him Where He Was

First and chief among the lessons was that his coaches met him where he was. My son had never been a competitive runner before. He had never trained consistently for anything like this. His coaches understood that and started slowly. Placing him in situations where they could just see what he was capable of.

They didn’t push him too far, or expect too much from him.

That’s the mark of great coaching. A great coach should meet you where you are. Your coach should take the time necessary to understand the current state. I like to focus on this during the discovery session with new/prospective clients. Usually, my clients will offer this with very little prompting, but a few well crafted questions can really help. Some of the types of questions you might want to be prepared to answer:

  • What is it that has encouraged you to seek out the help of a coach?
  • What are some of the situations that you have experienced that you are concerned about?
  • What are you hoping to accomplish in your coaching?
  • What’s happening now?
  • What are you noticing?

Establishing a baseline for current state is important. But it is equally, if not more important,  to define where you’re going.

Lesson #2: Did Not Let Him Stay Where He Was

Once his coaches got a sense for where he was, they very quickly began to move him forward. They didn’t leave him where he started. They challenged him to move just a little bit faster or just a little bit farther. It’s amazing to watch how quickly success begins to come with just the right amount of encouragement.

When you work with a coach, you should expect and be prepared for being challenged and pushed. Otherwise, what’s the point? One of the most effective ways I have found to make that happen is by simply asking the question: what do you want?

The goal of any coaching relationship is to move beyond where you are to where you want to be. Asking what do you want may seem really simple, but it’s not. Now, it is important to hold on to the idea that this is about you…not about anyone else. I will occasionally encounter clients whose answer to the question is focused on someone else. “I want them to stop.” or “I want my boss to do this or that.”

The problem with that is you can’t control what other people do. You have to focus on what you can do in order to achieve your success. I’m amazed how many times I encounter clients who can’t answer this question. They really don’t know. If you don’t know what you want, how will you ever get it?

Lesson #3: Made Small Adjustments

Once they started him moving forward, it became clear what he needed to do differently. His coaches began to help him make small adjustments. How to stand properly at the start, how to arc over the high jump, how to lean into the hurdles. All of those little things can make a huge difference in performance.

When you work with a coach, they will often need to help you reframe your thinking in order to help you move toward your goal. My goal is always to create a new space for a client to walk into. Small adjustments can reap big results. A different response to being questioned. A different way to handle conflict. A different perspective on another person’s behavior.

Many times, all you need is to make one small change to reap huge results. In my son’s case, I remember when he started running hurdles and he was frustrated that he wasn’t running faster. (One thing to know is that he hates to not be good at something. If he can’t do it well quickly, he doesn’t really want to do it at all. It’s a work in progress.) As he voiced his frustration at practice one day, his coach watched him run the hurdles and said just two words, “Don’t jump.” In other words, don’t try to jump over the hurdles because that motion causes you to straighten up. Just lean into it and extend your stride. Then you move quicker.

He made the change and saw an immediate improvement. Small moves, big rewards.

Lesson #4: Celebrated His Success

As the seasons progressed, both Cross Country and even more so – Track and Field, my son began to experience success. Faster times, qualifying for the state meet, personal bests, team records broken. Every one of these wins brought increased confidence and happiness from our son, sure. That success also brought about celebration from his coaches.

No one was more thrilled when he cleared the high jump bar at 5’2” to qualify for States than his coach. No one was more proud of his “Most Improved” team award (given by his teammates, most of whom were older and much more experienced) than his coach, and no one celebrated any louder than the coach when his relay team crossed the finish line in the final meet of the season under 4 minutes – setting a new team record and qualifying for the state meet for the first time in team history – than his coach.

I spent the last year of sports watching, for the first time, as other people poured into my son. Challenging him to be better, stronger, and faster. Encouraging him when he did. Helping him when he struggled. And above all, loving him well.

Your coach should be invested in you as an individual. Your coach should care deeply about your success. Your coach should celebrate that success along with you.

Watching my son being coached well inspired me. I want to be a better coach. I am working hard to take my own advice and make sure these four lessons are present in my practice.

What’s your coach doing for you?

The results will speak for themselves – like this kid, who wasn’t able to finish his first meet a year ago because he got tripped up and wrenched his knee to finishing second. 

Second Place

Second Place

 

What would you add to the list? What else stands out for you as the marks of great coaching? Leave a comment below and let’s talk about it.

Dropping Things…And Picking Them Back Up

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I read this great post from Tricia Lott Williford recently. In it, she quotes T.D. Jakes saying, “The art of managing a lot of things is to never drop the same thing twice in a row.” That’s a great quote.
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I’ve dropped a lot of things in my day. Like this blog, for instance. It’s been a nice long summer. I would love to tell you that was intentional and that I took advantage of that time to reset and refocus and I’m cueing up a long line of posts to astound, enrich, and amaze you. That would be a lie, however.
The truth is, I dropped the ball. Life got busy. I got stuck in the middle of my own small dramas, and I took my eye off the bigger picture – off the larger goal and story. As a result, I’ve let the blog sit here idle for too long.
I am convinced, however, that this is something I’m supposed to be doing and so I will pick it back up and start letting some other things drop. Things like doubt, worry, and distraction. I will also pick up grace and keep moving forward.
So here’s what’s coming – a new post about coaching inspired by my son the runner and energized by watching the Olympics, some more Friday Thoughts on Faith, and a new feature – Wellness Wednesday – where I will attempt to bring multiple aspects of my life and passion together in one place.
I will also #lookdeeper at the reasons behind allowing my voice to go silent in these months and unpack that with you as well.
Ready to pick it up and keep going? Let’s do this…

Cultivating Character

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I’m sharing a post today from Michael Hyatt at michaelhyatt.com. Some of you have probably read it already. It is a powerful reminder that who you are as a leader comes before what you do as a leader. Who you are as a person comes before what you do in life.

It is worth the time to read and to view the video – which takes about 15 minutes.

You must do this.

The Reflex of Character

Friday Thoughts on Faith vol. 2

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On the loss of Maya Angelou – And a Generation of Leaders

(Author’s note: I originally wrote this piece two years ago on the morning after Maya Angelou died. I had thought to post it in honor of her birthday on April 4 or to mark the anniversary of her death on May 28. As I reread it this week, though, I decided it was a message that needed to be out there now, for a time such as this.)

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Maya Angelou died this morning. Whether you knew who she was or actually met her and had no clue (as a friend of mine did), she was an important character in our national story. She lived at the center of a defining decade and struggle from which we still have not extricated ourselves fully.

I will make a confession. What I know of Maya Angelou is largely through others experiences of her. I have seen her on TV reading her work and playing the occasional guest spot on Touched By An Angel or some other show. I have read bits and pieces of her poems. I respected her work and I respected her presence. I have never read a single one of her books. (I still haven’t…must remedy that!)

But I am sad today at her passing. And when I probe the depths of that sadness, I think the reason is that hers is but the next in an ongoing list of leaders whose time is fading. I was born at the end of the 1960’s. Indeed, much of the turmoil of that era was winding down by the time I arrived. However, the aftermath of that season of history shaped my childhood in the sense that it had a profound impact on how I experienced the world.

From my earliest memories, I had friends who were black. In Junior High and High School, some of my best friends were hispanic. Now, as an adult living in a major metropolitan region of the Southeast, I am proud to work, play, and worship alongside many people of many different nationalities. My children were both born to parents of other races and do not look like me or my wife.

Disney in 2009
Sweet 16 Photo by Laura Pittman
Fun in the mud 2005?

Out of that season of unrest and violence and change in the 1960’s, there were many, many voices that spoke out. There were some whom I believe were raised up by God to speak peace into the confusion. Not an empty, emotional peace. But a true peace born of understanding and allowing for differences. Not a peace at the cost of silencing those with whom we do not agree. But a peace that passes understanding that can only come from the presence of God through Jesus Christ.

These are true leaders who do not push a political or social agenda, but call us to a higher level of life. Maya Angelou is one such leader. To me, Billy Graham is another. Mother Theresa. Brennan Manning. Martin Luther King, Jr. And there are many others.

What makes me sad is the leadership landscape in our world today. The passing of this great generation leaves a powerful void. I do not hear or see from any on the public stage today the kind of calm, peaceful, reasoned, and hopeful leadership that the world is so desperately crying out for. Everywhere we turn, there are extreme opposites screaming for attention, clamoring for votes, forcing their opinion.

It is no secret that I am a Southern born and raised, White, Conservative, Evangelical Christian man. My upbringing and my faith have influenced my political and social positions just as yours has been influenced by your experience. I hold to many so-called traditional views on things like work, education, marriage and the like. However, above and beyond anything I might think or any opinion I may have is this one thing – God is love.

God is love. God created man in His image. Male and Female, He created them. For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life. Did you catch that? Whoever. There is no limitation. There is no exclusion. Anyone and everyone.

My point is this, we live in perilous and difficult times. There are huge problems to face and to solve. We live in a world at war. Not just politically or militarily, but spiritually. Life itself is under attack. Freedom itself is under attack.

We need strong leaders who can speak peace into the confusion. And I, for one, do not see them. Do you?

That is why I mourn at the passing of Maya Angelou and others of her generation.

The mission of Look Deeper Coaching is to help myself and others to #lookdeeper. I will persist in that mission. And maybe, just maybe, the voice of peace and love from the Prince of Peace will be heard once again.

After Thought

It is interesting to me that I wrote this nearly two years ago given the political season we find ourselves in as a county in the United States. My observation still stands. If anything, we can likely all agree that it has gotten more pronounced, this leadership void. Those of us who are people of faith, people of God, followers of Jesus must humble ourselves and pray. (See 2 Chronicles 7:13-14) Speak when we must, yes,  but pray without ceasing.